so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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