some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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