he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
