My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
