we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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