what day is it and did you see me today?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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