Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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