OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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