Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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