you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
