I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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