i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
