exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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