gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
