the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
