it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
