You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
