my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
