in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
