she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
