Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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