Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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