if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
