Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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