there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
