The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
