The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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