Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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