I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
