I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
