I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This baby is an asshole
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
