I am spending my child support on dildos
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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