whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My balls are so social today.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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