lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
