wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
