I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
