Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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