I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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