Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
