he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
