Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
