You made me cry and you don't even care
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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