Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
