Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
