I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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