u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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