Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
