If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
