He uses pillows to masturbate.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
