Barsexuality is the new black.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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