Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
