When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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