Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
