ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
