Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
