conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
