She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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