Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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