so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
