we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
