He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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