Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
