This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My penis needs a shock collar
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize