I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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