so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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