I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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